Brother Conor explains Linsanity

I didn’t have a whole lot to say in the post-NFL apocalyptic sports world today, so I’m leaving it to Brother Conor to bring you up to speed:

Hey there. Taking the reins for a moment so that Tyler stays ahead of the curve on the NBA’s answer to Tim Tebow. It’s Jeremy Lin-mania! Linsanity! Though I’m a political theorist by training, I’ll bow to the blog’s raison d’être and lead with the stats. Last night, Jeremy Lin dropped 28 points on the Jazz, and in just 45 minutes on the floor! Here’s a rough equation to put this in context:

(28 points x “end of NFL season media desperation” x “hype machine”) / “small sample size” = “Lin will score twenty-twelve billion points this year” + “Lin will play until he’s 65”

The math is pretty clear. Last night, Jeremy Lin limned the court with the unmistakable brilliance of a legend made good on his potential.

It’s early days to extrapolate the rest of his career, but here are some minimum baselines of which we can be pretty certain: the Chicago Bulls are rumored to have offered to trade Derrick Rose, Carlos Boozer, and the Michael Jordan statue from out front of the United Center to the Knicks for Lin. David Stern will soon announce that the MVP will henceforth be given to the league’s second-most valuable player, just to keep things interesting. Like monarchs of old, Lin will bestow the award on his lesser competitor by tapping him once on each shoulder before permitting him to rise. It is common knowledge that the NBA lockout was caused by diminished Chinese interest following Yao Ming’s retirement; by next year, Lin will restore the financial health of the NBA, and by 2014, his image will replace Jerry West’s heretofore iconic outline on the NBA’s logo.

Lin’s megasuperstardom will more than compensate for recent mainstream bigotry against people of Chinese descent. Indeed, his success will extend beyond sport, when he stuns the world in 2020 by sweeping American Idol and the presidential election. Despite splitting time between Newark and Washington, while leading his new team—”The New Jersey Linsters”—to their sixth consecutive NBA title, Lin’s presidency is universally hailed as one of the country’s most impressive. Lin successfully patches up Sino-American relations, leading the world into hitherto undreamt of peace and prosperity.

In an act of either enormous benevolence or bizarre rancor, Lin avenges Kris Humphries’ loss by marrying every known Kardashian sister.

As noted above, all of this is probably to damn Lin with faint praise, but it’s all that we can reasonably claim within the statistical error bars. A less sober analysis would lose its head and predict all sorts of unreal success for the poor guy, but the causal links just aren’t there yet — and this is a blog for the measured and reasonable sports fan.

Conor Williams is best-known as Tyler’s older brother. He is simultaneously inches and miles away from finishing his PhD in Government at Georgetown University. When he’s avoiding serious work like this, he writes esoteric political theory punditry at http://www.conorpwilliams.com.

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2 responses to “Brother Conor explains Linsanity

  1. Pingback: Guest Post at Causal Sports Fan « Thought News

  2. Pingback: Since the dawn of Linsanity | Causal Sports Fan

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